October 18, 2006

hmmmmmmmm itunes

im not much for technology and i dont really know how it works
but i downloaded (sp?) the new itunes(sp?) and along with the downloading
it also recovered a slew of songs that i thought i had deleted (sp?).
so now i have my itunes on random and it keeps playing break beat samples that i had downloaded to use for some random musical projects. but im pretty tired of listening to
" lassssssssssssssstttttttt night a DJ saved my lifffffffffffffffffffffffaaaaaaaaaa!" over and over again
or " right now we are going to take you on a magical journey blah blah blah insert reference to ecstasy"

my roomate had a party
but the guests where mall rats.
by the way, have you noticed how mall rats have changed since the 1990's when we used to hang out at the mall? not to say that i did, but nowadays the mall rats reek of aids and look like
they just stepped out of a music video for whatever emo band you can name. gone are the days of the mall rats that kevin smith gave us. now its just gross...


The good ol days of being a mallrat

now they look like this. see the difference?

the point is
they were gross and annoying.
but this is the best part. one of the girls was way too drunk for being a 17 year old and ended up watching porn on our computer and would continually say " oh my ga! she's totally sucking his cock!" to which my beautiful and awesome girlfriend would reply " im sure you know all about it"
my girlfriend and i are complete assholes. we make fun of people too often for our own good.
but you have to understand the circumstances! we were surrounded by people who looked like this

im sure you would make fun of em too. so along with my lady and myself my roomate sam was also present and also making fun of this girl. i have never really wanted to hit someone, and i know its not PC to say you wanna hit a girl but i mean lets be serious and put our feminist views down for a second. i was making a nice pasta dinner for myself and the wife when this girl comes into the kitchen and sticks her gross hand into the pot and starts eating from it....

allow me to say this again.
this girl.
came into the kitchen.
put her gross hand (which she probably didnt wash)
into my food.
and ate it.

thats digusting!
i saw this and this is how the conversation went.
"excuse me, could you please not do that again? i dont want to get an std. thanks"
but, she continued and said " you should hotsauce in this"
"yeah, well, its my pasta, so i will make it however i want thanks. hey sam can i have a pickle?"
sam replied " sure dude!"
then this girl said " what do they put in the pickle jars with the pickles? is it just tap water?"
"no, its pickle juice with garlic."
"really? i just thought it was water"
the she turns to sam and says " hey is your room the one with four walls?"
"yes, but which room? all rooms to my knowledge have four walls"
( she then proceeds to eat and also feed my dogs piping hot garlic bread )
"oh. i guess so."
"hey! could you please not feed my dogs garlic bread? it will make them sick"
"no it wont! they think its delicious"
"well, i wont think its delicious when they puke all over my bed thanks."
"okay, ill stop."
she didnt though. cuntface.

so, aside from all of the hilarity and stupidity that followed that night and as much fun as the wife and sam and i had making fun of this girl and basically telling her that we pretty much dont like her at all my other roomie josh (sams older brother) comes up to me the next day and says
"hey jaosn. remember that really dumb girl that was here last night?"
"which one?"
"the one watching the girl sucking off the guy on the computer"
"yeah. what about her"
"sam diddled her"
"sam diddled her in the bathroom downstairs"
"i walked in on them last night by accident. he had her up against the bathroom wall with her pants down around her ankles and was diddling her"
"are you serious?"
" yeah man!"
to which sam replied
" i dunno. we were both drunk, and i was having withdrawals."
" fuck dude, i really hope you washed you hand afterwards."
"yeah, i did"
"i cant believed you diddled her"
"yeah, i cant believe i did that either. the worst part is, i saw her today. with my ex-girlfriend"
"well, thats what you get for diddling some random girl in a gross stanky bathroom you idiot."

and thats my story.


Anonymous said...

oh Sam...
so that's what the guys were talking about at EA...
<3 Jolene

Stu Hood said...

Antoine shoulda better fuckin known better.

Anonymous said...

define "diddled"!

jaosn said...

according to urbandictionary.com
this is what they had to say about what diddling is, or to be diddled.


Stimulation to the clit, mostly in female masterbation, but can also apply when someone else is joined in the stimulation.

friend #1: "What are you doing tonight?"
friend #2: "I don't know, probably stay here and diddle my skittle- wanna help?"

t-t-tracey said...